A Leap of Faith

It is kind of a scary thing to go public with our adoption journey.

It feels very vulnerable and risky.

Because I have experienced the loss of a child through miscarriage, there is a part of me that felt hesitant to go public with our desire to try again to have children.

The "what ifs" bubbled up through my mind like little green goblins.

What if something falls through?

What if we can't afford it?

What if I'll never become a mom?

I could have let all of these things stop us from taking this leap of faith.

But I've taken leaps of faith before, and though it wasn't always easy and I had to face uncertainty and fear, it was worth it.

It may have been at the eleventh hour, but God always has come through for me.

I don't know all the twists and turns on the road ahead of us.

But I will try to just take one step every day towards fulfilling this dream.

Alison's painting of Frank Wild, polar explorer.

In writing this, I am reminded of the memoirs of one of the great polar explorers, Frank Wild.

During one of his journeys with Ernest Shackleton, they were trekking across Antarctica on foot, and they had all become very ill. Frank Wild wrote: "For twenty four hours we were too weak to strike camp, & I believe we all thought the end had come. I remember that night Shackleton asked me to sing “Lead Kindly Light," but one verse was all I could do."

That one verse sung was an act of faith on the part of both Wild and Shackleton, a prayer of belief that they would make it to the next day of their journey:

"Lead, kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom; Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on. Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me. Lead on, thy kindly Light." 

Those verses from the song remind me of one of the Psalms: "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path."

Psalm 119:105 (NASB)

"Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world" James 1:27 (NASB)

I am believing in the Holy Spirit to be that light to my path and the light that leads me. I am standing on His word to provide for the widow and the orphan. I am trusting in His provision to make it possible. Evan and I cannot do it without Him.